


Riku's Own Angsty Thoughts

by BalloonBalls



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 08:52:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10590606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BalloonBalls/pseuds/BalloonBalls
Summary: Riku has angst, we all know that. Everyone angsts in this series, so I chose to focus on Riku's because it just radiates off of him. Get it, it's like Riku's Radiant Garden but it's just radiating angst. This is just a bunch of angsty thoughts, and some aftermath of the keyblade war and how things might've hurt him and how his friends try to handle it. Typical angst





	

How can you be accepted by the ones you love when you can't even accept yourself? Riku's friends love him, sure, he knew that much. But he couldn't shake off that feeling, that feeling that he'll never be good enough anymore after what he did. After everything that happened these past, say, three years? He never realized how many people were suffering in this world for so long, and how many people needed help in the world. He couldn't help anyone, he only hurt.

That's all he'd been telling himself for three years, that no efforts he made he would never be able to help anyone. So many people suffered from his existence and betrayal against the islands. He betrayed his friends, his home, and for what? His first taste of freedom? Why couldn't he just have waited till he was an adult and travel a different way, like a normal person. No, now thanks to him so many worlds were slaughtered by darkness and swallowed whole. No matter how many times Sora or Kairi will tell him otherwise, that won't change the fact that it did happen. They needed Kairi to gain that power and Riku provided her to them. 

But eventually, these feelings did swallow him whole too. His own darkness inside his heart, it slaughtered him just like the worlds. When he was by himself he had time to think, yes, but he also had enemies to fight and a plan to stop. They were distractions, distractions from these nagging thoughts that were slowly tearing up his insides. It was fine though, if he never had time to hear the thoughts then everything was okay. There was nothing wrong with just sitting there and blocking it out. He was perfectly content with just running from them for eternity. But he couldn't do that anymore.

It was way too quiet at the islands, the rolling tides always playing a soothing melody. Though that familiar sound of tides were like a clock tick, repetitive and a reminder that things are changing and things have changed with every second. It was just quiet enough that Riku had room to think, even when his feet were buried in wet sand. But he didn't have anything to distract him with, so when he got home everything just crashed into him like a tidal wave. He shouldn't even BE home anymore, he doesn't deserve it. He deserves a fate that Aqua suffered for ten years, to walk the shadows in the darkness, but let it all consume him. 

Though figuratively it was consuming him. He couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't focus, couldn't do anything. He was slowly sinking into a depression like quicksand and the more he struggled the faster he sank. So many families, children, elders, women, men, they all died from his stupid mistakes. The heartless took so many hearts in these worlds and it was Riku's fault all that happened. Sora tries to argue that when a person becomes a heartless they don't die and that may be true. However when worlds are swallowed, giant tornadoes swirl in the sky and suck up people or objects that hit and kill people. 

It was terrifying, Riku was a murderer. Riku indirectly murdered so many innocent people that didn't deserve anything. It was all his fault. It slowly ate, eats at Riku. Like a slow darkness that starts at his fingertips and slowly goes to his fingers and hands and arms. It consumes him, and it just needs to go away. Soon after he was sunken into something fancy doctors like to call a 'depressive episode'. He couldn't get out of bed, nor did he want to. Every bone in his body ached and his brain screamed that he'd just hurt someone if he even bothered to get up, so he didn't. 

His parents were beyond worried in so many ways more than one. They tried everything, they tried using care and compassion, they tried to scare him, they tried to beg, they tried to intimidate, but nothing worked. Nothing worked until one day they decided that this was enough, and they needed to pull out the 'big guns'. That big gun was a petite brunette spikey haired childhood friend named Sora who did not handle Riku's sudden disappearance well. He was worried for sure, Riku just slowly stopped showing up to days at the beach with Kairi and eventually he stopped answering his texts and calls. 

"Where's Riku?" Sora asked, sitting on the couch. "Calm down Sora, if you're not calm you know Riku would never let you in his room." Riku's mother said, sitting down next to her husband. "What's going on? Is he okay? He's not answering my calls, my texts, this is a last resort. I know he likes his privacy but-" "Sora, we need you to calm down. We'll explain but just take a moment to get your head together." Riku's mother said in a soothing tone. Sora took a deep breath, in and out. "Alright. Riku has been locked in his room for three days. When we leave the house that's when he comes out to get food and water. I don't even hear a tv or anything when I walk past his room. We called you over to try and talk some sense into him since you...disappeared with him." Riku's mother spoke quietly.

Sora didn't even bother to listen anymore, he stood up and made his way up the familiar stairs that creaked under weight. Sure he was probably being irrational for just ignoring the rest of what Riku's mother had to say but no other explanation was needed, he just had to see Riku. "Riku?" Sora walked up to the familiar door and knocked quietly at it. "Riku it's me, Sora. Can you come out? I'm worried about you." 

Riku didn't mean to make Sora worry, hell he didn't even think Sora would worry about him in the first place. No matter what the truth is he will always believe that no matter what Sora never forgave him and that he'll just be alone forever in this tiny little room. But still, Sora is here outside of his door and desperate for Riku to just open up to him. Desperate for Riku to just accept Sora and his love, and all Riku really needs to do now is open up his arms so Sora can jump in and give him the love he really needs. 

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This was short I know because I got rushed and didn't really feel like developing it too much, so I'm just gonna let the readers decide what Riku ended up doing. It's a cliff hanger from hell lmao. Fanfic cliff hangers are the worst because there's a 1% chance they'll tell you what happens, and I'm just being a dick now lmao. Thank you for following my work if you do follow my work, and if you don't, hi! Nice to meet you! Thank you for reading my work and I hope to see you later in other forms of my fics. (:


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